Well, Ashley is 5 weeks old today.   She had her 1-month checkup last Friday.  Her weight is now up to 8 lb. 4.5 oz!  How cool is that?  The pediatrician was very pleased, as were we!  Her lowest weight was 6 lb. 5 oz. (she was 6 lb. 15 oz. when born) and now she is over 8 lb.  Her height is now 20.5 inches.  I can tell that she is definitely longer because she is getting snug in some of her footsie outfits.  She had her second booster of the Hepatitis B vaccine and screamed her head off.  I almost cried myself.  Her face turned beet red and she screamed so hard that her little mouth was shaking.  It was so pitiful!  Luckily she quickly forgot about it.

Like a lot of things in life, you really don’t know how events will affect your life until it happens to you. Sure people tell you that having a baby will change your life forever, but let me tell you, hearing that and actually living it are two different things.  You think you might know what it would be like, but you really can’t comprehend the joys and hardships until you have one. 

It’s only been 5 weeks, but I’m already starting to miss some of the “pre-baby” things I used to do… 

I miss riding the motorcycle.  Van and I used to ride around town, especially during the fall season.  There’s nothing like smelling the crisp autumn air from the back of a motorcycle.  I actually haven’t riden since before I was pregnant (hard to balance with a big ole’ belly).  Now I just don’t have the time for it and it would mean finding a babysitter for Ashley.     

I miss flying in the airplane.  Van has his private pilot’s license and we used to fly around just for the fun of it.  We’ve flown to the Outer Banks, Myrtle Beach, Ocean Isle and Asheville, among other little airports in the area.  Our last trip was in July to Asheville.  It was at that point in the pregnancy, that the doctor said I shouldn’t fly anymore. 

I miss getting a full night’s sleep.  But I didn’t exactly get that when I was pregnant either.  The only difference is I actually have to function at 3:00 a.m. instead of just stumble to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I miss my work friends and their companionship.  There are a few close friends at work that I would see daily, and looked forward to the time we spent together.  There is one person in particular that I would talk to every morning, every afternoon, and we would eat lunch together.  A day didn’t go by that we didn’t see each other.  So that has been hard now that I’m home all day.  It can get lonely.

I miss vacations.  Van and I have traveled the world together.  We usually do one big vacation every year, and a couple small trips thoughout.  Our last big vacation was in May 2008 when we went on a Western Mediterranean cruise.  It was amazing!  We haven’t had a big vacation this year because I was pregnant for most of it.  So we saved our money and there’s only so much a pregnant lady can do anyways. 

I miss the freedom of coming and going whenever I want to.  That is one thing that I definitely took for granted.  If we needed something, I would just give the dogs a treat and go to the store.  If I wanted something at the mall, off I would go.  No planning involved; I could just go.   Not so much anymore.    I am in demand 24/7 now.   I’m not used to having a job that is around the clock.  As a paralegal, I worked 8:30 – 5:30 and when I came home, the rest of the day was mine however I wanted to use it.  As a mom, I work 24 hours a day.  There is no down time.  If it’s not the baby that needs me, it’s the dogs. 

I can’t just leave to go somewhere.  I have to plan it around her feedings, and when I do leave, I can’t be gone for long because of the next feeding (for obvious reasons, I’m the only one that can feed her right now).  So typically I’ll feed her, then rush out to do whatever errand I need to do, and rush back.  It’s like I’m always on a lunch break watching the clock and in a hurry to get home.  I took the dogs for a walk on Saturday and I had not even been gone for an hour when I got the phone call from Van saying Ashley was hungry.  So I ran back to the house.  I have not been on an outing yet without getting a phone call saying Ashley was hungry and it was time to come home.  And then I feel guilty for even leaving in the first place.  So it’s rare that I get out of the house nowadays. 

In the alternative, if we didn’t have Ashley and I was still able to do all of those things, I would miss these…

Ashleys’ cooing, grunting and sighs.  Her sneezes and yawns; smiles and cries.  Her big blue eyes that look up at me in wonder and amazement.  The morning time that we spend with her when she lays in bed with us before Van has to leave for work.  Her silly faces.  The way she likes to play when it is time to eat.  When she falls asleep in my arms.  How she gets wide-eyed at the site of the ceiling fan in her nursery.  The way Van holds her and seeing how proud she makes him.  All of the joy that she has brought into our lives.  Knowing that she depends on me and needs me.  But most of all, I would still have an empty place in my heart.  Ashley has filled that void and completed our family.  She has fulfilled my purpose in life.  Of all the sacrifices that come with having a baby, the good definitely outweigh the bad.  I can’t imagine life now without her.  This is my new “normal”.  And although we do have some adjustments, one day Ashley will be riding the motorcycle, flying and vacationing right along with us.  Okay, maybe not riding the motorcycle (unless she is in a protective bubble), but you know what I mean!